Diet
| Item | Calories |
| – 2g sugar – coffee | 8 |
| – 6g sugar – coffee | 24 |
| – 50 ml milk | 21 |
| – 57 g bran cereal | 156.75 |
| – 106 g milk | 45 |
| – 1 bagel | 330 |
| – 33g cream cheese | 85 |
| – 1 scoop whey | 150 |
| – 2 pieces dark chocolate | 130 |
| – 4g sugar (tea) | 16 |
| – 10g cream (tea) | 13 |
| – 350 g chicken thighs | 800 |
| – 1 package peanuts | 255 |
| – 1 tbsp oo | 110 |
| 100g bran cereal | 275 |
| 100 g milk | 50 |
| Nature Bar – Caramel and Salted Chocolate | 170 |
| lolipop | 70 |
| Total Consumed | 2708.75 |
Gym:
Fit 4 Less Morningside- Sep 11 – Shoulder / Tris
Barbell Shoulder Press – 70 lb x 8 x 8 x 8 x 8
Arnold Presses – 25 lb x 8 x 8 x 8
Dumbbell Lateral Raises – 15 lb x 14 x 14 x 14
Barbell Shrugs – 115 x 9 x 9 x 9 x 9
Rear Delt Machine – 70 x 9 x 9 x 9
Tricep Rope Pulldowns – 35 x 12 x 12 x 12
V Grip Pulldowns – 35 x 9 x 9 x 9
Incline Skullcrushers – 40 x 11 x 8 x 11
Work
Tried to work as much as I could today. Walked around a bunch and took a bunch of “tea”, “coffee” and “food” breaks. Also a lot of fucking health anxiety Googling sprinkled in there as well. Still have a lot to catch up on. Tomorrow I’ll kill it and we’ll go fishing all week. Only a month or so left!
Summary
Worked today. Getting a little difficult to concentrate with this diagnosis shit in my mind. I should’ve seen the doc last April. WTF was I thinking? Yeah Mom was going through cancer, and there was COVID around but wtf Sean?!
Anyways, stools are coming out a lot more now and I’m not constipated anymore. Towards the end of my cut, I was shitting like once every few days. Never really thought about it or noticed it cause always on the go, but I guess anxiety caught up with me and then I saw it for what it was.
2 dumps today, fluffy and “flat” kinda. Probably still shitting out stuff from the wedding. Also note to self, if you’re eating tons of fiber, make sure you drink water otherwise you’ll be dehydrated and your shit will be concrete. Going to see Dr KP tomorrow for a Hemmorhoid test. Going to try and see if I can get a colonoscopy too, finishing up the FOBT this week too; going to start on Tuesday after the 3 day Vitamin C / Red Meat fast is done.
It is hard being strong. It’s funny cause everyone knows how to “be strong” and what they need to do, but its so fucking hard. Why?!? why is it so hard for me to “be strong” and “tough as nails”. Like what the fuck is stopping me!??!?! I’m so afraid of the big C and ill health and shit. It’s natural to be afraid, and it’s perfectly normal to be anxious, but how the fuck do I rise above and be courageous. I want to chase my goals and live my life to the fullest in light of all my obstacles and challenges standing in my way. But with this happening I’m like a deer in headlights. Fear filled thoughts, loops of rumination.